FREE PARENT WEBINAR #2: Took place on December 10th at 5pm EST with Jesse Engelbrecht, former pro and founder of SportMind, for “Let Them Fail – Building Resilience in the Age of Perfectionism”
- TO WATCH THE RECORDING OF THE OUR SECOND PARENT WEBINAR CLICK HERE.
- TO SIGN UP FOR JESSE’S SPORTMIND WEEKLY TIPS, CLICK HERE.
- PLEASE SEND ANY FEEDBACK AND IDEAS TO COACHING@USSQUASH.ORG OR/AND COMPLETE THIS SURVEY.
BUILDING RESILIENCE IN YOUNG PLAYERS BY REFRAMING FAILURE
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Shift from BCM to GCR: Replace the default reaction to failure—Blame, Complain, Make Excuses—with Growth, Curiosity, and Responsibility. This reframes setbacks as learning opportunities.
- Use the 24-Hour Rule: After a tough loss, wait 24 hours before discussing the match. This allows the athlete’s nervous system to settle, making them receptive to learning.
- Foster a Growth Mindset: Encourage players to play to “express” their training, not “impress” others. This shifts focus from external validation to an internal, controllable scoreboard.
- Guide to the “Thrive Zone”: Balance high demands (standards, competition) with high support (unconditional presence) to create an optimal environment for growth and resilience.’
TOPICS
THE PROBLEM: MINDSET OVER TECHNICAL SKILL:
Young players often struggle more with mindset than with technical or physical skills.
- Common parental patterns that hinder resilience:
- Overcoaching: Analyzing every loss immediately.
- Results-Based Worth: Tying a child’s self-worth to wins and rankings.
- “Fixing Mode”: Offering solutions before emotions are regulated.
- Fear of Upset: Shielding children from disappointment.
THE SOLUTION: THE THRIVE ZONE MODEL
A FRAMEWORK FOR OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT THAT BALANCES CHALLENGE AND SUPPORT:
- Thrive Zone (High Demand, High Support): The ideal state for growth, resilience, and performance.
- Burnout Zone (High Demand, Low Support): A common trap leading to stress, anxiety, and quitting.
THE MINDSET SHIFT: From BCM to GCR
- BCM (Blame, Complain, Make Excuses): The default, ego-protective response to failure.
- Blame: Removes ownership (“The ref was terrible”).
- Complain: Strengthens helplessness (“This court is awful”).
- Make Excuses: Protects ego (“I didn’t really try”).
- GCR (Growth, Curiosity, Responsibility): The resilience-building alternative.
- Growth: “I can learn from this challenge.” → Builds adaptability.
- Curiosity: “What really happened?” → Reduces emotional flooding.
- Responsibility: “What can I own?” → Builds confidence through agency.
BRAIN STATES:
- BCM → Survival Mode: Activates the amygdala (emotional center), triggering fight/flight/freeze and a fixed mindset.
- GCR → Learning Mode: Activates the prefrontal cortex (rational center), promoting a growth mindset and neuroplasticity.
PRACTICAL TOOLS FOR PARENTS & PLAYERS:
24-HOUR PARENT RESPONSE PLAN (POST LOSS)
-
- DO: Stay calm, validate emotions, provide a supportive presence, and wait for the nervous system to settle.
- DON’T: Overcoach, fix, or blame. Learning happens after emotional regulation.
PARENT TECHNIQUES:
- Pause, Label, Lead: Pause, acknowledge the emotion (“I see this is frustrating”), then lead the conversation toward GCR.
- 30-Second Rule: In high-emotion moments, pause, breathe (4-6-2 method), and walk away before speaking.
PLAYER TECHNIQUES:
- 3-2-1 Reset: A post-match reflection tool.
- 3 things I can control (e.g., effort, energy, attitude).
- 2 things I learned.
- 1 thing I’m proud of.
- Next Rally Identity: A mid-match reset. “Who do I want to be on the very next rally?” (e.g., steady, present, brave).
